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I'm a 14 year old trans guy which has brought me enough trouble to last me a lifetime. I'm apparently a highly capable and gifted student and I get showed off by my parents and teachers like I'm some sort of animal in a zoo. I have PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Both of my closest friends in life are dead. These are enough troubles to, in my mind, justify my suicide.
However, the worst of it is that for some time now I've been experiencing a sort of existential crisis that I can't go about fixing for myself. I don't want to live a normal, mundane, in and out life. I want to be a part of the universe, something big and important. But I don't just want to contemplate all of it here on Earth, I actually want to go out and explore it, become an adventurer and terraform planets, be innovative and contribute to creating and exploring new worlds. I want to be like one of the main characters in a science fiction novel or a video game and experience something that isn't Earth, that isn't run only by stupidity and poorly thought out politics.
But I never can, because this world is run almost entirely by those stupid people with terrible politics! People are so dead set against innovation and creativity and so heavily focused on internalization and their own petty issues that they fail to see their limitless potential as intelligent beings capable of creating and thinking. If we are the only sentient creatures to exist, we are the heart of the universe and yet we do nothing to take advantage of that despite the fact that we are more than capable. Because of this, I will grow up and be forced to live a mundane life and not be able to live out my dreams. My entire existence is doomed to be one that is petty and boring. I'm not going to be happy. It's my own fault to some extent, though. Even as a little kid I was depressed and felt the need to escape constantly. I found myself playing video games and reading all the time because I was so unhappy with my grim future. I was only happy in those worlds, and they don't exist. Games, books, and my dreams all share one thing in common, and that is the fact that they're purely fantasy.
I don't even know what I'm asking here. I guess I'm just asking for advice, if anyone has a different way of seeing things. I'm on a very high dosage of antidepressants and I get talk therapy, but nothing helps. I just feel so empty and unfulfilled. The world's given up on me, so why can't I give up on it?
What can I do?
Answer
I know how you feel. I constantly go from tv show to book series, trying hopelessly to fill the empty void inside of me. But, I try to put myself in a mind set that the things I read about, and watch, have made me expect too much of the world.
Adventure Time made me wish that we finally had the war to literally end all wars, Doctor Who made me wish that there was a mad man in a box flying around saving the world, and Terry Pratchett's books made me wish the world was carried on the back of a giant turtle. But I can't expect that of the world. It is what it is, I am what I am, and you are what you are. I've found that almost no other humans have anything in common with me, and I hate most of them for not understanding my point of view. But I try. I try so hard to see amazing things in the world that is already around me. It works. It helps. Not much, but enough. I have a small group of friends, and we're very close. I went it solo for the first few months of college, and I thought I could do it for the rest of the year! I thought there was no one in the school who could be my friend, but I was wrong.
Dude, you're intelligent! You can bring happiness to others through books, and TV programs, like others have done for you. Live not for the magic you wish to find, live for the magic you can give to others. Draw marvellous worlds of blue mongoose, and write long stories of children getting lost in the woods. Please don't commit suicide. There's no point. It will just make your parents and anyone who likes you sad. I'm sure your parents don't think you're an animal at the zoo, they do love you, it's just they value the fact that you've got a huge brain and they don't know how else to connect with you.
Get a pet, name it something kick-butt. See if anyone else at school likes the same stuff you do. Join an online virtual game. Write books, make movies, Have fun if nothing else.
You should get off the meds, you don't need them. You're thinking just like pretty much everyone else in the world. If you want, you can talk to me about stuff. You don't even need to talk to me about yourself. Heck, I can talk to you. I can tell you about my 6 chickens, and each of their personality issues. I can tell you about my 2 cats, and my crush on a dude who is the voice of a certain cartoon character. By the way, I'm a 13 year old girl. I like playing solitaire while watching TV. I like drawing in the near dark, and collecting paper clips. BTW, did you know that there's a flower big enough that you can sit in it? Of course you wouldn't want to, it smells like rotting flesh, but there's a fun fact for you!
Stay alive just to breathe the air.
I know how you feel. I constantly go from tv show to book series, trying hopelessly to fill the empty void inside of me. But, I try to put myself in a mind set that the things I read about, and watch, have made me expect too much of the world.
Adventure Time made me wish that we finally had the war to literally end all wars, Doctor Who made me wish that there was a mad man in a box flying around saving the world, and Terry Pratchett's books made me wish the world was carried on the back of a giant turtle. But I can't expect that of the world. It is what it is, I am what I am, and you are what you are. I've found that almost no other humans have anything in common with me, and I hate most of them for not understanding my point of view. But I try. I try so hard to see amazing things in the world that is already around me. It works. It helps. Not much, but enough. I have a small group of friends, and we're very close. I went it solo for the first few months of college, and I thought I could do it for the rest of the year! I thought there was no one in the school who could be my friend, but I was wrong.
Dude, you're intelligent! You can bring happiness to others through books, and TV programs, like others have done for you. Live not for the magic you wish to find, live for the magic you can give to others. Draw marvellous worlds of blue mongoose, and write long stories of children getting lost in the woods. Please don't commit suicide. There's no point. It will just make your parents and anyone who likes you sad. I'm sure your parents don't think you're an animal at the zoo, they do love you, it's just they value the fact that you've got a huge brain and they don't know how else to connect with you.
Get a pet, name it something kick-butt. See if anyone else at school likes the same stuff you do. Join an online virtual game. Write books, make movies, Have fun if nothing else.
You should get off the meds, you don't need them. You're thinking just like pretty much everyone else in the world. If you want, you can talk to me about stuff. You don't even need to talk to me about yourself. Heck, I can talk to you. I can tell you about my 6 chickens, and each of their personality issues. I can tell you about my 2 cats, and my crush on a dude who is the voice of a certain cartoon character. By the way, I'm a 13 year old girl. I like playing solitaire while watching TV. I like drawing in the near dark, and collecting paper clips. BTW, did you know that there's a flower big enough that you can sit in it? Of course you wouldn't want to, it smells like rotting flesh, but there's a fun fact for you!
Stay alive just to breathe the air.
My mom is ruining my life?
Missy
I will try to be short, but descriptive. Sorry if it's still too long. Please, read it! :(
I have been spiraling (more and more every year) into a very sad state of depression. I contemplate suicide on a daily basis... I attempt suicide several times a month. I have horrible anxiety issues. I can barely sleep... I'm also in a horrible school situation.
Here is what my mom has been doing:
She took me out of my high school last semester, because I was getting sick a lot. Yet, she often tells me she'll take me to the doctor, she NEVER does. Also, I begged her many times to get me started with online schooling, bet she kept putting it off until, I reluctantly gave up. Now, this month what would be my Junior year in high school started. I tried really hard to go back to public school, but she claimed she would start online courses for me! Well, it's already a few weeks into the school year, yet she hasn't done that yet! She acts like it's my responsibility or something! I will ask her if she's got all the information and things planned and she looks at me and thinks I was suppose to do that! Even if I do find out all the information and courses I want, she doesn't care. I feel like she's in control of my life... :( I feel so isolated, scared, numb... This is the worse state I have EVER been in. Let me also mention something. Last week, I finally decided to tell my mom about the time my older brother molested me when I was a little girl. She reacted terribly to this. After a lot of her yelling at me and trying to convince me that it was a dream or my imagination, she says she believes me, but it's just empty words to me. She fully supports me brother with his life and everything. She acts like I'm the one that damaged his life... I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here or something! I mean, I was molested by him, yet she treated me like I'm the criminal. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm very very very close to actually committing suicide. Trust me. I don't want to! I really don't! I just feel so trapped. I have dreams of being a writer. That's the only thing that is truly keeping me alive. Even then, I feel like I'm an absolute failure. I did so well in school. I was an honor student. Now, I feel like my life is ruined. I honestly feel like I won't be able to ever go back to school, that I won't be able to go to college, and that my life will be complete crap! I am so scared out of my mind. It's so hard for me to explain to you how I'm feeling. I just feel so tired. As hard as I try, I feel like I'm about to fall over from it all. I seriously feel like I'm going to collapse one of these days and just die. I hate my mom so much. She always tells me that she does everything for me and "tries hard"... Also, she'll bribe me with items, and if I talk about the way she treats me, she'll say, "I get you everything...blah blah blah" I am simply SICK of what she's doing to my life. I don't know what to do, though! The only thing I can think of, is going to boarding school. I have looked into that, but it seems like it's too late to. Everyone I asked, tells me that it's not possible. Then, what am I suppose to do? PLEASE, help! I truly need it. Things are so bad, that when I'm really on the edge, I can't cry anymore. It's like my tears are locked inside me and I just turn numb.
- Just so you know, I'm sixteen years old. I will be turning seventeen in November. You have no idea how depressed that makes me feel. I feel like I'm watching my life pass by, not being able to take part in it. Just the other day, I was at the store and ran into some old classmates. Guess what? They were dressed up in their homecoming dresses. When I left the store, I cried so much. The pain is really unbearable for me.
Answer
I AGREE that your mom is harming you and you need to find some kind of help.
Just go back to school, and tell the school counselor what is happening. Your mom is mentally ill, and sounds like she is sabotaging your success. You cant let ther do that. You cant rely on her, sad to say, so stop expecting you will be able to.
Go to school. JUst go. If you have another place to live, do that.
You can call social services and tell them what is happening.
You can contact these people and see if they have any help for you to offer.
drphilfoundation.org
drphil.com
social services in the blue pages under state
look at your yellow pages under mental health and call and ask if you can come in to see someone on a sliding scale , as a teen, or ask for resources.
You need an adult in your corner that will help you counter your mom, and support and care for you.
You have to be very careful on the adults you trust , since at your age every perv comes out of the wood work,like roaches,and you dont need that.
Listen, you can do this. You are old enough. Plenty of people, have left home, gottne their own place and finished high school and gone on to college and made a success. You can legally leave home at 16 in most states.
Your mom is ill.
Now you have to start finding the trustworthy people in your life and make a family of choice.
girlsinc.org
mariska.com
giverespect.org startstrongteens.org loveisnotabuse.com bbbs.org (get a big sister),
Get BACK into school.
NOW.
Talk to the principle, tell them what you have said here. I think at sixteen you have the right to make decisions like this.
get going.
Figure out how you can participate in school , like the prom.
Find a mentor, someone you admire that is successful and into your interests,like writing, and ask them to advise and guide you. Find role models.
Make your future bright, and create the life you want. Find a career that you can make money at , while writing.
Start a web site that pays you money to adverise 18886843304 has a supportive program where they will set up a web site for 197$, also tax liens and realestate, maybe you could get into those also.
Start thinking, because it sounds like your mom has lost it, and you need all the help you can get , beyour own best friend. starting right now.
Here are some great therapists with a great healing method.
eftunierse.com click on 'get started free' for a free version , you can erase the negaitve messages and feelings you have and rebuild your confidence.
eftmastersworldwide.com
quantumrelease.com
the very best wishes to you
If you are unclear, on what to do, you can talk to these professionals , and they will help you make a plan that works for you. weaveinc.org
I AGREE that your mom is harming you and you need to find some kind of help.
Just go back to school, and tell the school counselor what is happening. Your mom is mentally ill, and sounds like she is sabotaging your success. You cant let ther do that. You cant rely on her, sad to say, so stop expecting you will be able to.
Go to school. JUst go. If you have another place to live, do that.
You can call social services and tell them what is happening.
You can contact these people and see if they have any help for you to offer.
drphilfoundation.org
drphil.com
social services in the blue pages under state
look at your yellow pages under mental health and call and ask if you can come in to see someone on a sliding scale , as a teen, or ask for resources.
You need an adult in your corner that will help you counter your mom, and support and care for you.
You have to be very careful on the adults you trust , since at your age every perv comes out of the wood work,like roaches,and you dont need that.
Listen, you can do this. You are old enough. Plenty of people, have left home, gottne their own place and finished high school and gone on to college and made a success. You can legally leave home at 16 in most states.
Your mom is ill.
Now you have to start finding the trustworthy people in your life and make a family of choice.
girlsinc.org
mariska.com
giverespect.org startstrongteens.org loveisnotabuse.com bbbs.org (get a big sister),
Get BACK into school.
NOW.
Talk to the principle, tell them what you have said here. I think at sixteen you have the right to make decisions like this.
get going.
Figure out how you can participate in school , like the prom.
Find a mentor, someone you admire that is successful and into your interests,like writing, and ask them to advise and guide you. Find role models.
Make your future bright, and create the life you want. Find a career that you can make money at , while writing.
Start a web site that pays you money to adverise 18886843304 has a supportive program where they will set up a web site for 197$, also tax liens and realestate, maybe you could get into those also.
Start thinking, because it sounds like your mom has lost it, and you need all the help you can get , beyour own best friend. starting right now.
Here are some great therapists with a great healing method.
eftunierse.com click on 'get started free' for a free version , you can erase the negaitve messages and feelings you have and rebuild your confidence.
eftmastersworldwide.com
quantumrelease.com
the very best wishes to you
If you are unclear, on what to do, you can talk to these professionals , and they will help you make a plan that works for you. weaveinc.org
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